


the best love is one by the ocean

by vanillaprince



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, Some Humor, Sorry to disappoint, a modern college au but not told from their student time, astronomer eren, except jean, historian armin, other characters mentioned but briefly, rated m because foreplay but no actual sex, some minor marvel's endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillaprince/pseuds/vanillaprince
Summary: ten years ago, armin arrived in a new town by the ocean to study environmental history, and by extension, to witness the beauty of the deep sea firsthand. a blunder during freshman orientation leads armin to eren, an aspiring astronomy student with aspirations to save his town from gentrification.years fly by in between their relationship, which sees both armin and eren back in the town as a history professor and postdoc researcher, respectively. and yet, despite their accomplishments, and works in progress, the two both felt something missing from their lives. was it a personal mission to give back to a sleepy town near the ocean? or, was it a personal mission to find a lost love, one caught up between dreams, aspirations, and hidden emotion?this is a story told in a modern world, where two accomplished academics rediscover their love for the land and each other.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	the best love is one by the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> this turned out to be longer than my own history thesis... i apologize in advance for the writing in any way. this was originally a project started in february 2019 during my own coursework in history, but i dropped it as a result of academic commitments. but i suppose this work also celebrates university as i have just finished my degrees!

i. a dream? no, it is reality

_ University was so long ago, I never thought  _ he _ would appear in my life again.  _

A deep breath of air escaped pursed lips, an expression of uncertainty drawn across a pale face. Fingers tensed around the smartphone it gripped, the flexible silicone digging into the delicate skin of his palms. His face scrunched into wrinkles, a pout forming his now expression of futility rather than the neutral state he experienced a few seconds prior. Everything about him screamed nerves. Nothing about this interaction should have given Armin this much anxiety. The day wasn’t another botched Tinder encounter, nor was it an important life event. 

_ It was just Eren _ . 

His university best friend. 

_ What was so scary about that?  _

He was entirely prepared for the worst-case scenario. When Eren called a month before to say he was coming back to town for the week, the sudden notification took Armin aback. Since graduation, the two barely spoke, and when they did, it was only ever a response to sporadic memes or questions easily answered by Google. No significant conversation ever took place in between, and while Armin and Eren both had their own lives, the disjointed conversation welled disappointment in Armin’s heart. The blond couldn’t be upset at the lack of communication, nor could he be sad about the should have/could have/would have scenarios. Part of the lapse was his own fault but that was a fact of growing up. In fact, Armin was often fine living his routine lifestyle. Even as an undergrad, Armin was a machine; from friends to professors, everyone mentioned his work ethic despite average grades. It was almost as if Armin had a lot to prove; while he had success, the significant achievements of his classmates left him wandering below. To show he was a capable student, Armin took on the routine. If he were to ever have a shot at a better life following university, he needed to buckle down and try his best. 

Everything was so regimented, nothing could break Armin from his schedule -- except Eren. 

The thought of his university best friend was enough to throw off his balance for several days following, a phenomenon which the blond never understood. He could never recall anything that would trigger such a response to Eren, other than his grandfather’s passing. Whenever he thought about it, Armin would spend the next hour reading old messages or viewing old photos. Re-reading messages brought him a joy that allowed him to pretend, even for the briefest moment, that he was an undergrad once more. The blond promised himself that he was not chasing the past, but each message he read often felt like a fragment of his life pieced itself back. Armin staunchly told himself he didn’t have a crush on Eren, they were friends after all, but even in their university years, the blond felt as if he knew Eren his whole life. He knew Eren coming back meant personal matters and a visit to Mikasa, so what was the point of getting his hopes up? What if Eren completely changed into an asshole scientist like his college idol, Levi? Or, what if Eren only wanted to stop by just to talk endlessly about his new fiance, a cute blonde girl named Historia whom Eren met through work? 

Armin shook his head.  _ Snap out of it.  _ There was no reason to worry at every waking moment about something that had yet to occur. Wandering over to his coffee table, he exchanged his phone for reading glasses and took a seat at the couch. As he tugged the hair tie snug against his wrist, he pulled his hair back into what was the shortest ponytail in existence. After all, grading was hard work and no strand of hair could distract him now. Affixed on his head was a pair of circle lens glasses. Pinching the bridge, he placed the frames on his face, his new look resembling a scholar or wizard. Picking up a stack of papers and a colored pen, Armin set to work grading papers. To Armin, a focused task should rid him of unnecessary anxiety he self-inflicted. 

。.:☆*:･

ii. the day i saw emerald

When Armin met Eren ten years ago, he was starting out as a first-year in the history department. He recalled the day down to every last detail. It was orientation day, two weeks before class started. Armin was a fresh out-of-state student with a big dream among a sea of others doing the same. He remembered being lumped into a group of other incoming students and an “experienced” campus representative who was probably only working for a meager sum of money. Everyone went around in a circle introducing themselves, their names slipping Armin’s mind but majors appearing clearly in his mind: sociology, anthropology, biochemistry, finance, kinesiology, and classics. Then, there was Eren, the astronomy major who wanted to “change the world” by working under a renowned professor, Levi, in the department. 

Armin recalled chuckling at that introduction. He did not mean to be rude, though it seemed odd that someone  _ wanted _ to work with the Department of Astronomy, under Levi, no less. To his knowledge, Professor Levi was a brilliant, yet cold researcher who rarely, if ever, cared for the idealistic dreams of younger people. Although he was renowned in his work, along with Professor Hanji Zoe, in studying phenomena beyond the conceivable world, the department rarely received the recognition it deserved. Most praises went to the humanities and other sciences for more profound, prolific accomplishments that lined the pockets of administrators over well-deserving professors. Yet, despite the lack of attention from the university, Professor Levi rarely cared about the recognition. If the professor had space to conduct his research, why care about the bureaucracy that infringed upon results? 

Armin immediately earned glares from Eren in response. Receiving an eye roll, Armin sank back into his spot. The blond felt embarrassed for chuckling loud enough for everyone to hear. While he did not intend to vocalize his opinion of the situation, he was still apologetic nonetheless. As others in the circle finished their introductions, the group leader finally called on Armin. Straightening his posture, he offered a slight smile. 

“Hi, everyone. My name is Armin Arlert. I want to major in history, and I chose this university to be closer to the ocean. I’ve… always wanted to be closer to the ocean. I know it seems childish, but a coastal school with a strong history program was enough to come here.” 

As Armin delivered his introduction, the tense expression Eren held, however, dissipated upon Armin’s hearing the blond’s short biography. While Eren was tempted to return the favor by laughing at the blond’s introduction, he simply sat back and pondered for a moment. His eyes softened. Eren wondered if anyone could be  _ that _ wholesome and actually be an adult. Snapping back into reality, Eren ultimately offered the same treatment to Armin, playing along with the idea of ridiculousness over the blond’s intent to study at the university.  _ This guy  _ has  _ to be only, like, 15, right? _ Armin recalled Eren asking out loud, gaining the forced laughs of the other group members.  _ Sounds like someone is hitting the beach over studying,  _ Eren commented, throwing up his arms in a shrug. To Armin, he wondered how anyone could have enough courage -- liquid or not -- to make bold statements in front of complete strangers. Armin sank back into his spot while the group leader attempted to break up the banter. In truth, Armin  _ did  _ unintentionally start the whole exchange. However, the blond couldn’t help but find something special about Eren and his initial interaction. Was it Eren’s idealistic vision and motivation? Or, was it something else? 

Orientation went on with one campus presentation after another. As Armin took notes on every piece of information, he glanced roughly every other minute in the direction of Eren. Armin  _ thought _ his actions went unnoticed until he caught the attention of the bold astronomy major. Emerald-colored eyes locked on to the blond, examining him like a careful scientist reviewing raw data. Armin thought it was violating that Eren, a boy he had never met until about an hour prior, was picking him apart at a distance. The growing unease caused Armin to whip his head to the side, cutting off contact with Eren. Bubbling anxiety caused the blond to shake his leg, an action he never picked up but now assumed. Yet, despite the interaction, Armin felt he needed to look back once more, even if it meant sneaking a glance. Taking a breath, he half-turned toward Eren’s direction, noticing the other boy was now paying attention to the presentation. The blond sighed in relief until he noticed a peculiar sight in the corner of his eye. Expanding more vision, he noticed Eren now had a goofy expression, one a kid would make teasingly, at Armin. Initially, Armin was surprised at the reaction. His shock turned into a light smile, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. Their silent banter was on the verge of exposure, but Armin didn’t mind; perhaps he could become friends with this bold astronomy first year. 

Following the presentation, Armin packed his bag and headed back to his dorm for the afternoon. He needed to return to continue reading  _ Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow _ , the latest text he picked up the day before. As he headed out the door, a mass no more than a few inches taller than him appeared in his path. 

“Hey, uh --” the brunet asked, extending his arms out to block the entrance. 

“Can I… help you?” Armin asked, gripping the handle of his shoulder bag closer to him. Even if he didn’t have anything to fear, his reaction came out of an anxiety-filled instinct. 

“Yes, actually.” A pause. “I saw you staring earlier.” 

“I--” 

“It's okay, you don’t need to explain. Actually, first, don’t be so nervous. I’m not gonna beat you up.” 

“I wasn’t--”

“I get it, I get it, we didn’t get off to a great start in our stupid group activity. It’s just, I wanted to study under Professor Levi for the longest time in the astronomy department. They’re doing some great work now with studies on black holes, and since I’ve always enjoyed physics--”

Armin gave a sheepish look. “I didn’t mean to start all of this. Well, I didn’t know you noticed in the first place.” He then paused, carefully thinking of his next words. Not that he had to impress the guy, but the situation had already turned into an awkward interaction. “Actually, I need to get going--”

Eren interjected. “Why don’t we talk about this over coffee. Or milk tea if coffee isn’t your thing.” He smiled in an attempt to soothe the blond’s visible nerves, setting his arms down from blocking the door. “After all, I want to… know more about you. No one comes to this university  _ just _ to study history. You  _ have  _ to be in love with the ocean to even consider coming here for uni. In fact, you said it yourself.” 

Armin took a step back, using the time to quickly think about the situation. He had only met the guy, and now this random freshman astronomy major wanted to hang out with him?  _ The  _ astronomy major he made fun of not long ago, no less. The blond’s hand tensed its grip around the strap, fingers fading into a white shade from rosy pink. Seeing the brunet’s arms lower, Armin thought about racing past. Although he did not want to commit to such a risky plan, his foot slid forward a few inches.  _ Why?  _ He paused. Perhaps Eren only wanted a friend too, especially since he was also a first-year at the university. His grip loosened, arm falling back to its place sandwiching his bag between his body. What harm would a simple coffee outing do? At worst, he could run home, run back to his dorm room if he didn’t feel safe--

Shaking his head, he looked at the boy in front, the expression suggesting something along the lines of “Well, decided yet?” 

“Okay, fine. Let’s go. Where do you recommend?”

。.:☆*:･

“And then I told Mikasa, by virtue of looks and overall badassery, Captain America is the far superior hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. After all, what can anyone  _ not _ love about him?” Eren explained using a matter-of-fact tone. The brunet crossed his arms to prove his point. “I mean come on, who  _ doesn’t  _ love America’s ass?”

“I don’t know about that one, Eren. Iron Man is pretty cool. I mean, think about it -- he  _ created _ the foundation for the Avengers. You have to give him some credit.” 

Eren questioned, assuming a fake serious tone. “But is Iron Man played by Chris Evans?” A gloat-filled smile. “Didn’t think so.” 

An awkward air filled between the two. Armin suddenly looked down, assuming he had misspoken to offend Eren. From what he gathered, the conversation went well thus far, and for the two to sour a perfect moment simply over superheroes disappointed the blond. Armin didn’t have anything to apologize for, yet something inside him forced guilt to kick in. As he took a sip of his milk tea, he looked at Eren, who was in the midst of responding to something on his phone, to continue the conversation in some form. 

“So--” Eren began, flipping his phone over before returning his attention to Armin. “You still haven’t told me: Why here? Why history? Why this place? Other than you like the ocean. A lot.” 

Armin set his drink down. “Well, I chose this university to run away, to be free, to experience a life by the sea.” He then shook a hand in front of him, suggesting an error in his explanation. “I have always wanted to see the ocean as a child. My grandfather told me stories of this great blue mass that bordered the land, holding species of fish with orange bodies or jellyfish with tentacles so long, it’d be impossible to escape their grasp. I remember going to the aquarium as a child. Grandfather took me every weekend to the same exhibits to see the same fish. He always used the word ‘mesmerized’ when talking to passersby, and I don’t doubt that was the feeling I had at the time. Even now, I still feel my heart well in peace thinking about the ocean.”

“Then, my grandfather passed when I was thirteen. He offered to donate his heart to someone in need. I’m sure that a person must be carrying on his legacy now, but I can’t help but feel lonely. I lost him. But, I hope to meet him again one day, perhaps in a place near the ocean.

“But enough about that, history? It’s just a subject I’ve been interested in for a while now. I would always read something new every day. The past can teach us so much, yet we don’t know about the entire history of people before us. Especially maps, old maps, maps that lead to faraway places, or are incomplete. They teach us so much yet hold little power until a place is explored. Isn’t that strange? Here I am, studying to dedicate my life for the purpose of researching the story of people whose stories have been told by many others. Or, the stories of those who have been lost to history until a modern revelation. But, nothing warms my heart than finding a new story.” 

Since childhood, Armin had a fascination with the world beyond his home. To study world cultures and civilizations meant transporting to different worlds, different times, different regions he could escape to at any point. Armin felt confined to his home as a young child; although he could explore places with friends, he always found himself unable to leave his home. This place, “home,” was a wall that prevented him from seeing anything else in the world. There were far away cultures that called his name, legendary civilizations that beckoned him, and even folklore that spoke to him in dreams. When Armin reached out, he couldn’t follow through. University provided a place to escape the walls of this so-called home and see the world beyond photographs in a book. 

“That’s cool!” Armin perked up, surprised yet interested in what Eren had to say about his interest. “It’s such an inspiration. Most people say they want to study by the beach, which is nice and all, but then our town becomes commodified into a tourist trap under the guise of university education. I know I can’t do it on my own, but I want to save this town from that reality. Which, I guess, is a reason to study in astronomy, to bring more scientific renown so people can let our town be. I mean, people can still come, but they won’t take up as much space on the beach anymore.” 

“Perhaps I should find another university by the sea, then?” Armin questioned, taking another sip of his drink. He posed the question as a harmless joke, though he couldn’t help but consider Eren’s words carefully. Even if Armin’s main goal was the study of history, was he also contributing to the stereotype of “non-resident student taking advantage of a small town’s resources?” The thought made him feel uneasy, almost as if he was part of the problem. The blond believed his reasons for attending were valid, understandable justifications, so why did he feel the need to defend himself? 

“No, no, not at all. Maybe what I said was a little too harsh. I’m sorry. I just get upset when people come in and take and take, running our town dry to satisfy some type of hunger that never goes away.” 

“In that case, I promise to serve this town after I graduate, even if I’m poor and die trying,” Armin declared, a serious expression drew across his face. 

Eren’s eyes raised, shocked at the declaration made by the blond. “Wha--what? No, no, you don’t need to do that. I’m only joking, you know that, right?” 

“Well, I don’t want to contribute to the gentrification of the town. I’m sure I can find something to do here, after university. If I can live by the sea while contributing to the town in a meaningful way, that would mean the world to me.”

“In that case, don’t let me stop you.” 

。.:☆*:･

iii. your ego is so inflated, even iron man would be surprised

_ Ring ring ring _

The sudden noise jolted Armin from his papers, a sound of fright leaving the blond. Looking down at his stack, he noticed a deep blue line scrawled across the text, collateral from his surprise.  _ Oh dear, I must apologize for that.  _ Scribbling a quick arrow and a “sorry” in blue text, the blond set down the stack on the coffee table before him. Armin’s attention then focused in the direction of the doorbell chime. His seat on the couch  _ did _ get comfy, but he mustn’t keep whoever it was at the door for long. Stretching his arms, he rose from his seat, only to hear the same doorbell chimes ring once more. “Please be patient!” he requested, somewhat annoyed that whoever was at the door had the nerve to ring the chime so quickly after the first. He meandered to the door, peering through the hole drilled in the door. Despite his relaxed mood, the blond was not prepared for the figure who stood beyond the wooden frame. 

_ Eren! _

_ I mean, it’s just Eren. He’s your _ friend,  _ don’t get worked up about it, Armin.  _

Deep breath, Armin unlocked the door. Twisting the handle, he pulled the door back. The outside light blinded him for the briefest moment, his vision clearing as he began to focus on the body standing before him. 

“Eren!” Armin finally managed, shaking his head out of disbelief. “I mean, Eren. Was it really necessary to ring the doorbell so much?”

Eren shrugged. “Well, yeah. The door’s not gonna open itself.” 

“I wasn’t expecting you for another hour,” Armin said, somewhat taken aback by Eren’s earlier arrival. 

Eren smiled, placing a hand behind his head. “I finished some things up earlier than I planned, and I really did intend to come later. But, I thought coming earlier would be a great surprise. You should have seen the look on your face!”

“Eren!” Armin’s face turned a slight shade of pink upon hearing Eren’s plan. 

As Eren stood before him, Armin could not believe the person in front of him was the same astronomy major he made fun of years ago. Blinking, Armin took in the sight of Eren, whom he had not seen in ten years since their graduation from university. While Armin remained mostly the same, a history researcher who happened to be an ocean-loving transplant, he began sporting longer hair and circle glasses in exchange for his rectangular frames. Maintaining his usual crewneck sweater with fitted jeans, Armin only traded out chinos for jeans in the last ten years of his fashion journey. His “signature look” known by students and faculty alike, and “refined” by his long-time university friends, created a persona that, while evolved since university days, remained largely unchanged into the present day. Consistency and routine were paramount in Armin’s life, thus change, whether it was significant or minor, became noticeable to the blond. 

For Eren, however, Armin thought ten years really had passed. Although Eren still looked like he hadn’t aged since university, he definitely grew at least a couple inches. Eren no longer sported a t-shirt under a flannel style but instead a v-neck t-shirt under a bomber jacket. He also traded out the jeans with holes and instead wore fitted jeans, this pair suiting his toned legs. The newest feature, of all things different, was a pair of square-shaped glasses, a pair that was much too big, but knowing Eren, he probably argued with the optician for an hour before getting his way.  _ Poor guy, _ Armin thought. To the blond, the male standing before him looked more grown-up compared to university days. Eren seemed different, even if it was more so the fashion speaking than his heart. However, Eren still had the same air around him, the same friendly vibe he felt that very orientation day. 

“Armin, it’s so great to see you!” Eren greeted, pulling his friend into a much-deserved hug. The greeting was a much-needed break of growing silence between the two. “You look so different now, are you really the same Armin Arlert, the history major wishing to see the ocean?” 

Armin chuckled, reciprocating the hug before breaking a few seconds after. The hug felt much too short, but Armin didn’t want to think much of it.  _ He’s just my friend. _ “Well, I could say the same about you. Are you really  _ the  _ Eren Jaeger who boasted about being Professor Levi’s underling?” 

“ _ Underling?  _ Hey, he can be nice, you just have to… get to know him, kinda.” Eren put a hand to the back of his head, attempting to stick up for one of his old professors. “I mean, yeah, he made us work so hard, I never wanted to study astronomy ever again, but he  _ was _ dedicated to his research. Can’t argue with that.” 

“I’m not too sure about that, he seemed more than a little… cold at times.” Armin offered a smile, the expression lasting only seconds before shifting to one of surprise. “Why am I keeping you out here? Come in, come in -- just remember to take your shoes off--” 

“I know, you have no bugs, no dirt, and no disease in here so take off your shoes, I remember,” Eren cut in, stepping inside to follow the blond. Taking his shoes off, he continued his path to follow Armin. “Except, that disease of still thinking Iron Man is the best superhero technically breaks your own rules,” Eren mentioned in a smug tone, a smirk of victory plastered on his face.

Armin feigned insult. “And you’re in  _ my _ home?” Placing his hands on his hips, Armin puffed his cheeks in childlike anger, one he knew wouldn’t intimidate, but at least play along with the banter going on. But, his attempt at humor would not last long, for the blond broke his composure and began laughing at how silly he looked. “Here I was, about to ask you if you would like a drink. Maybe you can get it yourself now, hmm?”

“Hey now, I told you the cure already exists, and that is to join hashtag-Team-Captain-America--” Eren began, breaking out in laughter soon after. “Okay, that might have worked on me  _ one time _ before, but it won’t now. And please, don’t be mean. I’d like a coke please.” Putting on his best smile, Eren hoped this “apology” would be accepted by the blond. 

“You’re lucky I haven’t seen you in ten years,” Armin said, rolling his eyes at Eren’s attempt. 

As Armin wandered to the kitchen to prepare drinks, Eren took a seat at the couch. The stack of papers placed neatly on the coffee table caught his eye, the paper displaying a prominent blue mark absorbing most of his attention. Picking it up, he began reading the text printed before quickly flicking through the other assignments in the stack. Eren never understood the purpose of forcing students to print out assignments. Why waste paper, and ten cent ink from the library printer, when a paper could be emailed instead? When Eren was still an undergraduate, Professor Levi always demanded, not asked, for hard copies to prevent “idiotic mistakes” to occur through online submission. With enough experience dealing with undergraduates, Professor Levi knew all the excuses and tricks, including the document corruption hack, students used to buy themselves extra time. Professor Levi always had the latest technology to keep up with his research, yet he never accepted anything but a printed submission. Even at times where Eren was sick enough to warrant an electronic text, he could count on Professor Levi to chew him out in front of the entire seminar over the necessity for hard copies. To see Armin continuing this practice made him cringe slightly, but in fairness, Armin never had the best eyesight. 

In fact, Eren never saw Armin becoming a professor, ever. He always assumed Armin would go on to finish his master’s and doctorate degrees, eventually. However, instead of the classroom, he thought the blond would become a historian for the government. In school, Armin was smart, but he never quite breached the top of his classes. Rather, the blond much enjoyed the support aspect of school: peer mentoring, tutoring, teaching assistantships, even becoming a peer advisor for history students. Eren recalled seeing Armin’s stress over his graduate education on social media; his worries were juxtaposed with posts about his passion for assisting undergraduates with history and some findings on history that only a couple people on Eren’s feed found interesting. When Armin made the announcement that he received a tenure-track position at their old university, everyone was shocked that was the route he took. It was an accomplishment, undoubtedly, to become junior faculty at age 28, but for a reason, Eren could not explain, it didn’t feel like something Armin would  _ enjoy _ doing. Perhaps this is where the blond grew up; rather than change his appearance -- which, save for his hair and glasses shape -- Armin’s entire outlook on life shifted. Armin was always ridiculed, even bullied at one point in university for his interests and still-innocent appearance, but somehow, the pain never stopped him from pushing forward. Perhaps a professorship was the career that would propel Armin into a happier place?

Maybe Armin didn’t change all that much, save for life events and appearances, but that did not explain this… this feeling Eren felt about the enhanced version of his friend. Armin was brimming with success in a position he finally felt comfortable in, one that could help others while he pursued a lifelong passion. In fact, present-day Armin was perhaps the happiest Eren had seen his friend. Yet, even with these positive, outstanding achievements on Armin’s part, Eren couldn’t shake off this feeling that something was missing. He couldn’t determine what it was, but despite Armin’s cheerful demeanor, it seemed something lurked below that seemed…off. Perhaps it was not necessarily Armin’s career choice, nor was it his change in appearance. Rather, the blond seemed more anxious than usual, for reasons Eren could not yet pinpoint. 

“Finally interested in history?” Armin asked, setting two mugs on the coffee table before taking a seat next to the brunet. 

The blond’s return caught Eren by surprise as he randomly picked out one assignment to feign interest. “‘Read Friedrich Nietzsche’s  _ The Use and Abuse of History _ and analyze his overall argument. What conclusions can be made about his interpretation of historiography and how to have people on the left, right, or both utilized Nietzsche to write history?’ Wow. That’s some boring-ass homework you give your students. I feel sorry for them.” Eren tossed the papers back on to the coffee table, sending Armin into a mini panic over the stack. 

“The department assigned me to teach historiography this semester. I hated it when I was in school too, but it’s important to understand perspective,” Armin admitted, organizing the stack before setting his pen down on top. “So, what brings the famous Eren Jaeger, renowned astrophysicist and Marvel film snob, back to his hometown, let alone pay a starving history professor a visit?” Armin asks, mocking a grand tone. 

“Hey, I’m not Neil DeGrasse Tyson big just yet, okay?” Eren replied, laughing at the attempt. “Well, my professor friend, I am going to work at the university too! Well, I’m gonna be a postdoc fellow. It’s honestly too much work, but you remember Professor Hanji, right? I’ll be working with her on astrophysics stuff. So, I guess I’m moving back is what I’m trying to say.” 

“What?” Armin’s eyes widened in surprise, elated by his friend’s great news. “Eren, that’s amazing! And here I thought you came back to save the town from evil tourists. How are you not more excited?” 

"Most important is town-saving," Eren declared in a matter-of-fact tone. “I mean, I am, excited generally! I’m back home and all, but I still think there’s something left I need to do, like some sort of ‘finishing touch’ I suppose to satisfy my family’s wishes. After all, mom wasn’t there to see me graduate, so I feel like I owe something.” 

“I bet your mother would be proud to see your accomplishments, even if you think so,” Armin said, holding his mug down on his lap. “You’ve studied under Professor Levi of all people, and your work has had -- no doubt -- an impact on his research. If that was not enough, you were the fifth-place finisher in an international competition for scientific research, and you have already published academic articles. I know others may think differently, but I know you have always been a hard worker, driven to achieve a certain goal. Since that doesn’t seem like enough, from what you’ve been telling me, I think it’s time for you to write your next story.” 

Eren sighed. Armin did have a point. No, Armin always knew  _ when _ to have a point. Now that he had “been there, done that” with the university, graduate study, and now an emerging career, it was high time Eren began to settle down and take his life one day at a time. He was no longer bound by the influence of his controlling father, nor was he chained to the guilt felt long after his mother’s death. 

Armin broke the silence, “Now that you’re back, or well, in my house, what did you want to do?”

“We’re watching  _ Infinity War. _ No ifs, ands or buts, you’re watching it with me so I can teach you, once and for all, about Captain America’s superiority to all other heroes.” 

“Haven’t you watched that, I don’t know, at least a hundred times already?” Armin asked, slight concern in his tone. “I’m not opposed, but aren’t you sick of watching the same film?” 

“Nah, it’s as I said: I have to prove a point. Now are you going to put the film on or shall I leave this extra comfortable spot to assist you, Dr. Arlert?” 

Rolling his eyes, Armin got up from his spot and walked to grab the television remote. As Armin’s back faced Eren, the brunet noticed buzzed hair beneath the blond’s short ponytail. Squinting his eyes, Eren thought this style was just a figment of the imagination. Upon further eye strain, Eren’s eyes widened at the sight, finding the style to be real.  _ An undercut? _ Eren thought, taken aback by this particular haircut. Eren never took Armin to be the type to buy into trends, popular ones at that. While Eren did not deny that the undercut made the blond somewhat attractive, that was something the brunet would never admit. 

Or...was it? 

Shaking his head, the blond returned back to the couch with the remote in hand. As he opened up the film for the television, Eren interjected the silence with his newfound revelation. 

“Didn’t think you were one to get an undercut,” Eren remarked, remnants of surprise lingering in his tone. 

“One of my graduate students suggested I get it. He said I’d have a better shot with the ladies, but I don’t think it had that effect. It’s had the opposite.” Armin paused a moment, thinking about the words he spoke. “But, it is a fun look, I suppose. You’re right, not my style, I agree, but I think this was my shot at trying to live, in a way.” Armin chuckled for a moment before speaking again. Maybe now was not the time to divulge into personal stories. “I’m never listening to graduate students again.” 

“...Nah, all I see is a nerd trying to act cool,” Eren said, offering a slight shrug at the end. While Eren played off his joke, he couldn’t help but wonder about this graduate student who coaxed Armin into getting an undercut. It seemed...out of character for Armin to suddenly have an undercut, despite the blond’s decision coming out of his own volition. Despite Eren having no say in Armin’s decision, Eren felt off about the hairstyle as a whole. 

Actually, Eren  _ knew  _ something had to be up. At least, the haircut confirmed Eren’s bubbling suspicion over the blond’s subtle, yet odd anxiousness. It definitely was not something Eren should be fired up about, nor should it matter all that much since Armin was just a  _ friend. _ Yet, in some way, it didn’t feel like Armin was  _ only _ a long-time friend. Eren felt a fire well in his stomach, not out of rage, but jealousy. Or protection? First, there was no need to be jealous, Eren thought, as he had no details of the story to base judgment. Not that Eren waited for details in most cases, but as he grew up, Eren had to learn that impulsive actions often resulted in consequences that could have been mitigated. 

“Eren!” Armin said, playfully slapping his friend’s arm. 

The physical contact pulled Eren from his thoughts, yet his fire remained.  _ Play it cool, Eren, _ he thought as a smile appeared on the brunet’s face. “I’m kidding, it’s nice, just didn’t think you’d be the type to get a cut like that.” Smile fading, Eren reached for his drink and took a sip.  _ I shouldn’t be jealous. Why am I jealous? Armin is free to do what he wants, but this doesn’t add up.  _ Thoughts raced through Eren’s head, clouding his head so much so that he missed his name being called several times. 

“Eren? Hello? Should I start the movie or are you going to chug the coke first?” Armin asked, arms crossed with the remote in hand. 

“Yeah, start it! And watch me, I’ll be three cokes in before we even see Thanos!” 

Armin chuckled at the absurdity of Eren’s declaration. “You haven’t changed, Eren.” 

_ But  _ you _ have, Armin.  _

。.:☆*:･

iii.i. fuck university policy, seriously.

“I hope you’re ready to have  _ fun _ for once,  _ Professor. _ ” 

Armin let out a soft moan, the words contacted his skin as sparks from embers. Trembling hands fumbled with unlocking the apartment door. Armin used what little focus he possessed to open his apartment, but all he could think -- feel -- was the teasing touch of Jean’s hands roaming his body. The contact felt amazing, yet intrusive; Armin found himself muddled in the moral ambiguity of the situation. Bringing home a graduate student, let alone the graduate student he  _ advised _ ? Everything about the circumstances surrounding his current predicament screamed to  **stop** . What he was about to engage with wasn’t a small crush nor a liberating moment; it was a selfish act to drown out feeling, to forget, to feel nothing but lust in its purest form. Hookups, as he was now experiencing, are supposed to be at least  _ somewhat _ fun. At the surface, his emotions, his desires -- everything felt  _ right, _ even for the briefest moment. 

Deep down, he felt the soul-crushing feeling of regret, the potential to ruin what he worked for, to get back at a stupid undergraduate crush. He knew this whole one night stand thing was a childish way of taking out revenge, revenge that would not be noticed by the intended recipient. Yet, as Armin felt the heat from another’s lips, he dropped his own morals, his own standards for how to live in exchange for a sloppy, dangerous encounter. Armin completely consented to this exchange, going so far as to craving the attention of his temporary lover. Revenge was not something Armin dabbled within his life, finding it to be a root of toxicity that clouded a person’s state of mind. 

Yet, here he was, engaging with his own graduate student of all people, in  _ faculty housing _ of all places, for a temporary, loveless moment of lust. 

“Here, give the keys,” Jean interrupted as slight annoyance entered his tone over the prolonged wait outside the apartment. 

Armin hands the keys over, head dipping down in embarrassment. “Sorry, I--”

“It’s fine.” Jean takes the keys, inserting the one Armin previously fumbled into the lock. Twisting the metal, the distinct click of the lock rings in the silence. Pulling the key out, he handed the keys back to Armin, who opened the door to let his guest in. 

“Sorry about that--” Armin apologizes, his words cut off by the light pressure of lips on his own. Armin takes a few steps back to let his guest in, only to hear the door shut with a distinct  _ thud. _ Although Armin’s arms are wrapped around Jean, his hands plant themselves at varying points on Jean’s back, motionless. It’s not that Armin isn’t experienced, per se; rather, the morality of the situation causes him to become a person in physical limbo. He kisses back but nothing more, like a teenager being kissed for the first time. As seconds feel like minutes, he felt his body come off the ground, arms snaking underneath his thighs to support him. The sudden distance caused Armin to jolt in panic, causing him to crash into Jean’s chest. Armin felt the beats from Jean’s heart against his own, heat radiating off clothed skin. A smug chuckle left Jean, welcoming the sudden contact; it was an excuse for the two to become closer. As Armin relaxed, Jean began to kiss with more passion, forcing the blond to keep up with the tempo. He wasn’t used to being kissed, and it showed through his offbeat kisses. But Armin tried, timing himself to match Jean rather than anticipate a particular movement. 

And finally, finally, Armin figured out the rhythm, like discovering a new way of thought, and boy did it change the dynamic, completely. 

It was at that moment, Armin felt aroused. As he wrapped his legs around Jean, he felt what little distance between them cease to exist. Even this pseudo, fake love -- a forbidden, defiant act -- gave him the slightest possibility of being loved. Yet, he doesn’t think of this as true love, nor does he think it’s one meant to last; this love, a clash of repressed emotion manifesting as two adults engulfed in lust, was only a temporary solution. Armin already knows it’s a bad idea. What if the department found out about this incident? There’s no doubt there would be disciplinary action taken against him, which would certainly affect his chance at tenure. Armin finds himself riddled with catastrophizing his career, causing him to lose the rhythm he found challenging to perfect. 

“Hey, everything okay?” Jean stops, focusing the attention on Armin. 

“Y-Yeah, it’s fine.”

“We can stop if you’re not comfortable--”

“N-No, you’re fine, I’m fine.” Armin then leaned in, the slightest hesitance in his decision, but no doubt one that was intentional. 

As their lips reconnected, Armin finds his rhythm once more, almost as if their pause never existed. Armin goes along with the motions, reciprocating each lust-driven kiss with more passion than the last. This goes on until another pause, this time from Jean. 

“Bed. Where?” Jean asked, head tilted at a slight angle. 

“First room on the right.” Armin pointed in the direction as if navigating his own regret. 

Nodding, Jean resumed his kisses, this time taking steps back toward the bedroom. The new movement surprised Armin, but the way Jean moved made it seem like he was a professional at this.  _ Perhaps Jean should complete his Ph.D. in comparative sensual history rather than culture. _

“Jean, I don’t think this is appropriate--” Armin protested in between kisses, an assault on his lips keeping him silenced. Feeling his back against the mattress rather than open-air, the blond relaxed somewhat into the slight embrace of sheets. As his hands struggled to find a target, buttons flew from Armin’s shirt. The cold air shocked his heated skin.  _ Oh dear, that was a good shirt.  _

“Oh, honey,  _ I know. _ ” Jean began undressing the blond down to his underwear like an impatient predator. Licking his bottom lip, he continued his assault of kisses, this time on the blond’s neck. “Did you seriously think any of this would be? You, a professor? Me, a graduate student and  _ your  _ TA? In bed? That reads scandal all over. 

“We can still stop, I don’t want you to feel pressured this will sour our professional relationship.” Jean withdrew, forearms positioned on either side of the blond. “Everything will stay between us.” 

Armin paused for a moment before shaking his head. “No, no. Let’s continue.”  _ I’d feel bad you came all this way.  _

As quickly as the kisses stopped, Jean leaned in once more, placing his hands at the blond’s waist. Slinking his hands further to the blond’s chest, Jean increased the intensity of kisses, almost similar to a savage craving for lust. Armin, overpowered by strength alone, ran his fingers through Jean’s hair, stopping near the middle where longer strands faded into buzzed hairs. 

“Like what you feel?” Jean asked, lowering himself to kiss the blond’s chest. 

“Y-Yeah,” Armin managed between moans. Soft, yet broken, each moan followed kisses planted all around his chest. 

Satisfied with his work, Jean moved in on the blond’s nipple. Perked from the cold air, Jean began a slow, rhythmed movement. Armin, weakening under the pleasure, let out a soft moan.  _ This is wrong _ , he thought, as Jean increased the intensity to elicit more noise from the blond. As Jean’s moved to the other nipple, Armin let out a louder, pleasured moan as he gripped Jean’s hair. Rational and ethical thoughts fading, the blond gave in to his own suppressed lust. 

Armin’s battle was lost. 

_ You’re better than this, Armin. _

。.:☆*:･

iii.ii. professional boundaries no longer

The new academic year started a couple of months prior. Armin received two new doctoral students, a transfer student from the sociology department and a student fresh out of his bachelor’s degree. Both met with Armin during the first week as mandated by the department, but as the weeks went on Armin only ever remembered “undercut boy” -- Jean Kirstein, as he would learn. Two weeks into the semester, the department chair notified Armin of a new teaching assistant for his course on historiography: Jean. Armin was shocked; only graduate students with at least three semesters of coursework became teaching assistants, and that was the earliest anyone could start. The timing didn’t make sense to Armin, but after a meeting with the department chair and Jean, he realized that Jean had potential. Yet, Armin could see that Jean would be the type to fall into distractions. 

In honesty, Jean couldn’t have been that much older or younger than Armin. Jean had a youthful appearance, yet his mannerisms, speech, and personal way of conducting himself also presented the student as an older man. Armin was already in a difficult position as junior faculty before hitting age thirty, and undergraduates often mistook him for a graduate student teaching assistant. Even with a more “professional” look, Armin still fell into the problem of youth. While not necessarily a negative trait, his appearance afforded him some unwanted attention. 

_ Including some graduate students, it seemed. _

At least, that’s what Armin  _ liked  _ to believe. 

During the next class period, Jean appeared, laptop in hand, bag slung across his shoulder. Jean seemed well-dressed with fitted black jeans, a collared shirt under an oversized sweater, and oxfords -- at least, compared to Armin’s current outfit of sweats and a t-shirt -- making Jean appear as the professor rather than Armin. It wasn’t Armin’s fault Jean had a couple of inches on him in height, but he secretly hoped his new teaching assistant wouldn’t...out professor the actual faculty member in appearance. Although Armin was known to wear t-shirts and sweats on lazier days, his appearance juxtaposed that of his assistant, who played the part of  _ knowing _ what to do better than Armin. 

Introducing Jean to the class as the new teaching assistant, Jean gave a short introduction about himself: a PhD candidate in comparative cultural history who loved dogs. Armin again questioned how he was Jean’s advisor, for Armin’s specialty focused on environmental history and Anthropocene. He understood that environmental occurrences had impacts on cultures of traditions globally, but he assumed one of his colleagues, the chair of all people, would assist him better as she studied contemporary popular culture history. Shaking his head, he focused his attention back on the course, some students already half-asleep. As Jean finished his introduction, Armin returned to the whiteboard, writing down, “What is the Anthropocene?” in bold letters. Finding a couple of hands raised, Armin began to conduct his lesson for the day, Jean in tow. 

。.:☆*:･

Returning to his office, Armin sank into his chair, resting his head down on the desk. Closing his eyes, scenes from that night began to replay, almost like clockwork. In fact, Armin noticed that every time he closed his eyes, even for a second, scenes began to replay. Armin was not the type to engage in spirituality, nor was he a believer in fate. Yet, the haunting image of that night repeated itself as if to torment the blond in some way. 

As Armin remembered his encounter with Jean, he began to feel a hole in his stomach, as if he missed something. Despite their night, Armin would never resort to dating a student. In addition to university policy, Armin always found the practice to be odd, for it created a weird power-relationship dynamic. While Jean fulfilled his lust, Armin could not see Jean as a potential partner. Even post-graduation, Jean would not be an entirely good fit for Armin’s personality, one that bounced from nervousness to immense passion for the world and even to introversion. Perhaps his one-night stand had a positive outcome, one that seemed to fade into obscurity following that night. Although Jean winked at the blond every now and then, nothing beyond subtle flirtation came to fruition. 

While the situation itself seemed resolved, Armin could not shake off the feeling of filth he experienced a day in, and day out. Beyond his concerns with the dynamic, he experienced flashbacks of that night in moments of solitude. Each moment played out exactly as it did that night, every emotion, sensation, feeling -- everything matched. Yet, there was one significant detail that changed his recollection, one that changed that night entirely. 

Rather than picturing Jean, he imagined Eren. 

Despite his best efforts, Armin could not shake the visage of Eren out of his recollection. Even when he tried his hardest to remember Jean’s face, Eren’s appeared instead. Armin had not seen Eren in what was coming up on ten years, and yet, every intimate encounter, including his latest with Jean, was not one with a partner, but with Eren. Even in experiences with women, Armin thought he had an out of body experience, simply because he could not imagine himself with anyone but Eren. It was disingenuous, anyway, for Armin to be that disconnected. His partners deserved better than a lost, distracted blond there for temporary pleasure. 

It was strange, he thought, as they had said their goodbyes after graduation, seemingly never to meet again in life. Although Armin’s life brought him back to Eren’s hometown, Eren’s ventures in the field of astronomy took him on a worldwide adventure, one that Armin was proud of, yet envied deep down. Part of his thoughts yelled at him to confess; since the two were apart, as it had been for a fair amount of time, there was no harm. Besides, Armin could free himself from this spell of picturing Eren in every intimate experience. As he had recently secured an excellent position with lifelong job security, perhaps it was time to start over again. 

Yet, even with the ideal prospect of starting over, nothing could ever be considered a “fresh start” if he remained at the university, the same place he met Eren. Disassociating with memories only intensified his desires, dreams, and wishes for the future. Everything seemed like a long shot. Maybe Eren started a relationship with Historia? Maybe Armin was too late. 

_ bzz bzz  _

Jolting from his desk, Armin reached for his phone across the desk. Unlocking his phone, the blond’s eyes widened at the sight of the most recent notification that popped up on his screen. A slight panic set into the blond as he re-read the notification multiple times, as if to tell himself that he was dreaming, a fake reality. 

[eren]: Hey Armin! I’m gonna be back in town in a week. Are you free to meet up? 

_ It’s as if he read my mind.  _

Blankly staring at his phone, he held the device as if he was ready to respond with a message. As seconds flew by, Armin drafted response after response, unsure of a way to present himself without appearing desperate. 

[armin]: Hello, Eren! Yes, I’d love to see y

_ No, that sounds too eager. _

[armin]: Hello, Eren! Is that even a ques

_ Oh dear, that sounds too suggestive.  _

[armin]: 

Sighing, Armin resigned himself to his unnecessary anxiety over a simple reply. The blond knew he was thinking too much into the situation, yet with everything going on with his inner thoughts, responding seemed like a daunting task. As he took a breath, Armin returned to his phone.  _ I can do this _ , he told himself, grounding himself in the fact that this was just a simple response. There was nothing to analyze, there was nothing to think about between the lines. The blond was only responding to a text message that simply asked if he was available. End of story. 

[armin]: Hello, Eren! It’s nice to hear from you. Yes, I’m available Wednesday evening. Does that work for your schedule? 

Hitting the send button, Armin thought his ordeal was over after a mountain of unnecessary stress. Setting his phone aside, the blond stretched out his arms, only to hear the same vibration from a few minutes prior echo into his office. Dropping his arms, Armin took a breath once more. Reaching for his phone, a new notification appeared from Eren across the screen. 

[eren]: Yeah, I can do that. See you Wednesday! 

_ Oh, dear. _

Unlocking his phone, he sent a short response back.  _ This was really happening. Right now. I hope a student doesn’t walk in right now.  _

[armin]: Great, see you then! 

Sinking back into his chair, Armin thought everything in the world was balanced -- emotions, anxiety, heart rate. As he took a breath, the sound of two knocks reverberated in his office. Jolting back up, Armin turned to see a student at his door, apologizing for scaring the professor. 

_ Right, he forgot about office hours. _

Motioning for the student to enter, Armin pulled out the course materials for the student’s class, ready to answer questions. As he listened to the student’s concerns and questions, Armin drifted in and out of his current appointment, his mind wandering into thoughts about his Wednesday plans. If the blond was so distracted now, imagine, he thought, how bad the anxiety would be on an actual day. Refocusing his attention to the student before him, Armin began to plot out a way to break down an argument. A distraction, he pondered, would help with the overload of thoughts irrelevant to the current moment. 

The road to Wednesday would, no doubt, be a long journey ahead. 

iv. maybe you have america’s ass.

“Captain America literally shaved his dad beard to look more like you and even then, you  _ still _ don’t think he’s the best?” Eren asked, feigning shock. 

“Eren, we’ve been over this. Iron Man is way cooler, this has been my position for the last  _ ten _ years.” Armin crossed his arms as if to assert his position. 

“So you’ve been disillusioned for the last ten years, then? That’s what you’re saying.” 

“No, Eren! Stop twisting my words!” Armin said, dropping his arms in a pout. 

“Relax, I’m joking. Well, not really, but I don’t think you’re disillusioned. At least, only with the Iron Man stuff.” 

“Eren!” 

“Okay, okay, watching the movie again.” 

As the two settle down from their minor argument, both males shift their focus back to the film, where Hawkeye and Black Widow have just arrived at the base of Vormir’s mountain. As Red Skull appeared before them, the two followed the specter up the mountain on a pathway of endless stairs. Both Hawkeye and Black Widow recount memories with each other to pass the time to the summit, which appeared to be years away despite their continued ascent. Upon arrival at the summit, Red Skull told them the requirements to acquire the Soul Stone, the sacrifice of something one loves deeply. The scene itself cuts to Hawkeye and Black Widow at a loss. Who should sacrifice themselves, they both ponder as Red Skull floats in the distance. 

After an idle, the two heroes raced each other to the summit’s edge, brandishing weapons in a small skirmish. Hawkeye, who had a close relationship with Black Widow, refused to let her throw life away for the sake of the mission. Black Widow, who saw the carnage and bloodthirsty rampage Hawkeye committed as Ronin, also refused. With his entire family lost to Thanos’ destruction of the world and half of its population, Black Widow argued that Hawkeye should stay alive for his family. Taking the leap, Hawkeye managed to stop her while hanging on to the side of the cliff. Black Widow, begging Hawkeye to let her go, loosened his grip. 

As Black Widow fell to her death on screen, Armin took a breath. Turning to his friend, Armin asked a question. “Hey, Eren,” Armin began. “What do you think about sacrifice?” 

Eren looked over at Armin, tilting his head in confusion. “Huh? Why do you say that?” 

“No reason,” Armin began, knowing full well he was on some fishing expedition. Armin was a poor liar, and while he managed to deceive himself into thinking he improved, the blond was still weak at the art of deception. “Sacrifice is probably one of the noblest acts a person can experience, though it can also turn for the worst depending on the situation.”

Armin took a breath before continuing. “Just, it seems sacrifice allows us to see the intent of others in some way. Like with Hawkeye, he struggles with survivor’s guilt, despite eventually understanding that someone had to die, and it was Natasha. And in Natasha’s case, we see her self-sacrifice as a way for Hawkeye to continue living, to see his family once again. Of course, these circumstances involve inter-galactic space stuff and saving the world, so maybe under realistic circumstances, what is your take?” 

Eren nodded, listening intently to his friend’s answer to the question posed. As Armin finished his answer, Eren took a brief moment to gather his own thoughts before he responded. “Well, isn’t the point of sacrifice so that things work out in the end? I mean, take stars for example. Those celestial beings have been dead for millions of years, but their life-ending means we can learn more about the universe. I suppose, anyway. Not that stars are living to begin with, but you know. Science.” 

“Okay, well, science aside, what about personal sacrifice?” 

“What’s this about, Armin?” Eren asked, seeing through Armin’s ploy. “You’re hiding something. What’s up?”

“Please, Eren,” Armin pleaded, knowing full well his plot was foiled. “Just answer the question first.” 

“Personal sacrifice, huh?” Eren ponders a moment, reaching for the remote to pause the film. “Well, let me tell you a story, then.”

“When I entered university, I did so with a lot of anger built up over my mom’s death. Mikasa was a great help in being there for me, but also to kick my ass when my grief hindered my actual goals. Mom died saving me from an oncoming car, I’ll never forget her sacrifice. Truthfully, only Mikasa would be here today if my mom hadn’t saved me. 

“But, her sacrifice leads me back to my story. When I started university, I met this other student who caught my attention when I first met him. I wasn’t sure what to think of him, but I decided to give him a shot since they seemed pretty cool. He was goofy, and I didn’t think I’d get along with someone like that, but it was worth a shot. I was a freshman, too. Also, he was kinda cute. 

“I later learned he came from a far off place, to learn about the past while also engaging with the present. He loved the environment, especially fish. His favorite creature was the jellyfish. I thought that was lame because sharks are awesome and far superior, but I learned that like the jellyfish, delicate yet strong, so was he.” 

Armin interjected an expression of surprise grew on the blond’s face. “Wait, where is this going, Eren?” 

“Patience, Armin,” Eren said, placing his hands on the blond’s shoulders. “You asked me to answer your question, and like a student, I am doing so.” 

“Anyway, I became closer to this boy. We did everything together: watch films, eat dinner, had all-nighters in the library, played soccer, and even took a trip to his hometown. I’d always thought I had a good friendship with him, but deep down, I wished it was more than that. I pined and I groaned, but as soon as I learned he accepted a position with the marine conservation corps for a couple of years, while I was accepted to a master’s program, I knew we would both attempt to encourage each other to follow our dreams, despite the pain it clearly caused. It was tough, really, I didn’t want to say goodbye after graduation.” 

“Eren, this can’t be true. This sounds just like--”

“Us, yeah,” Eren replied, his face turning a subtle shade of rosy pink. “And when I came back after looking at stars, completing my PhD, and coming back to town, I had hoped my regret I painted as a sacrifice would disappear. I tried to date a colleague, but it just didn’t work out, no matter how hard I tried, we tried. I thought I’d be an old, shriveled up guy bound to live a single life looking at dead things. But, good old Connie mentioned you were back here, at the university, as the newest history professor. I couldn’t believe it, really. But Mikasa, what a champ, she managed to track you down, and that’s how I found you.” 

Armin sat in disbelief, unable to process what he just learned. Eren had him beat to the punch, but like his dreams, his altered memories, this seemed too good to be true. Like a scripted romantic drama, Armin found this confession suspect, even though it was  _ his _ question that started everything. Much like their first encounter, where Armin was the one who engaged first, he wanted to backtrack as a way to ground himself in reality. However, as Armin wished and groaned at how much he wanted this to be a dream, he focused his attention to Eren, who offered the slightest smile amidst the silence that had overtaken the room. Armin, admittedly, was being somewhat dramatic with his anxiety, along with a genuine surprise. His one wish came true, and he could not muster up the words to even acknowledge what had happened. The silence made him feel weak as if he succumbed back into his ways of deflecting to avoid the real world. It was toxic, and Armin knew it. Yet, here was his chance, the moment he longed for over the last ten years. 

It finally arrived. 

As he fought with his inner thoughts, Armin closed his eyes for a brief moment. Thinking of a blank slate, Armin opened his eyes. Drawing in the air for a deep breath, Armin prepared himself. As Eren patiently waited for a response, a shock, truly, Armin broke the silence that enveloped. 

“Eren, I...I...I have felt the same. Ever since I met you, ever since I accidentally laughed at you during orientation, ever since we said goodbye after graduation.” Armin paused, his face warming as tears welled in his eyes, creating a watery overlay on top of brilliant aquamarine pupils. The blond wanted to stop there, fearing his tears would overpower the meaning, the emotion behind his words. At the same time, Armin also knew that pausing for too long would cause him to break down, mostly from the sheer weight of emotion. As he wiped the new tears that formed, Armin cleared his throat. Tears were not about to stop him from releasing every emotion he bottled up since their goodbye. 

“I thought you’d never come back into my life, and ever since you studied hard to study for your own PhD, I figured you were on to better and brighter things in life. You were fifth in your program, after all,” Armin continued between tears, his voice breaking. “I...I didn’t want to stop you. I’m so average, I didn’t want to hold anyone back, you no less. I loved, love, you, Eren. I stupidly chased after others, even one of my own graduate students, shamefully, and yet, even with youth, lust, and pleasure, nothing compared to my feelings for you.” With tears rolling down the blond’s face, he mustered up the courage to speak once more, but the blond was only able to utter two words. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Armin,” Eren began, pulling the blond into a tight embrace. 

As Armin sniffled, Eren gently stroked the blond’s back, as if to let the blond know that everything would be fine in the end. Eren took a moment for himself, closing his eyes to think about what just happened. There was no doubt that feelings between the two were mutual, yet with emotions exposed and out, a break was necessary, a breather. Eren focused on his breathing. Although he had his own emotions out in the open, Eren also knew that Armin was in a fragile state at the moment. Eren needed to be stoic for now, not out of choice, but for the two to have some form of gravity at that moment. Pulling back from the embrace, Eren placed his hands on the blond’s shoulders. 

“Hey, Armin, could you look at me?” 

The blond, wiping away the tears from his face, looked up at Eren, eyes red and puffy from crying. 

“Armin, I loved, well, love, you too. From the moment we met, when we talked after orientation, I knew there was something special about you. Behind all that timid, nervous, anxious demeanor you put up, you were highly intelligent. We both know life got in the way, between us, and it had its way for the last ten years. And look, you’re a caring, kind-hearted professor who wants to see his students grow. I’ve gotten the chance to look at stars before coming back home, to keep it from gentrifying.

“But, that wait is over. We don’t need to live apart anymore.” 

Leaning in, Eren closed the gap between the two. He looked at the blond for a brief moment, eyes softening at the sight of puffy eyelids. As Eren closed his own eyes, he kissed the blond softly, lingering long enough to savor the moment, but short enough that the moment seemed fleeting. Pulling back, Eren felt his own face warm up, partly from his cheeks turning into a subtle pink. His actions could not be undone, and it was up to Armin for the next move. 

As Eren pulled back, Armin felt a feeling of warmth travel from his heart throughout his body. Sweet yet gentle, Armin was surprised Eren, who could be rough and combative at times, was capable of softening up. While he searched for the right words to say, Armin found himself unable to speak. As a replacement, the blond, instead, reached up to Eren’s lips, returning a kiss. Though, unlike Eren’s initial gentle kiss, Armin was met with intensity. 

The two kissed, with the same energy as two teenage lovers without much time left, but who was also eager and craved the passion from their lover. Armin’s attempt at keeping the kiss neat fails immediately as it turns sloppy, partially due to Eren’s own energy. Although Armin experienced the same song and dance before, he found himself led by Eren’s movements, as if seeking guidance from the brunet. Partway through, Armin found himself lowered onto the couch, Eren pressed up close against his chest. As Eren explored the blond, starting with that peculiar undercut, he moved his kisses to cheeks, ears, and finally, the neck. Soft moans filled the room as Eren increased his own intensity, playing off what seemed to be pleasurable spots for the blond. Placing kisses around the blond’s collarbone, a throat clear paused the momentum. 

“Sorry,” Armin began, a sheepish expression beginning to form as he cut off the moment. “I...I just have to ask. Are you my boyfriend now?” 

Eren rose from the blond’s neck to look at the blond’s aqua pupils. “I don’t know, I thought it was obvious? Unless you want me to get off right now and we pretend this never happened.” 

“Eren! I’m being serious!” Armin exclaims, annoyed that his friend, no,  _ boyfriend _ , would joke at a time so intimate. 

Eren laughed, proud of his comeback landing with success. “Kidding, kidding, yes, Armin. You’re my boyfriend now, too. Does that settle your nerves?”

“If I wasn’t underneath your heavy butt right now, I’d smack you.” 

。.:☆*:･

  
  


v, you  _ have  _ to be in love with the ocean to even consider coming here for uni

Two years following Eren’s return, and two years following the start of their relationship, Eren and Armin married in a small ceremony under the stars at the university campus. With all their friends in tow, the pair celebrated a relationship that should have been going onto twelve years instead of two. Regardless of their lapse in time, Eren and Armin acted as if they were continuing from where they left off. Neither Eren nor Armin skipped a beat, and the two were seen around the university astronomy and history departments ever since. While this gained some attention and whispers among the students, including Jean, who had moved on to Marco, another doctoral student in history, Eren and Armin always remembered to maintain professional appearances in public, of course. 

Armin, who was recently up for tenure and promotion, anxiously awaited the results from the compiled dossier in support, or opposition, to his promotion as associate faculty. Every member of the department except for Armin saw his promotion not as a surprise, but as a testament to his hard work and dedication to not only research in environmental history, but also to the students at all levels who studied history. Armin’s promotion was met with a flood of congratulatory messages in the faculty email list, along with a surprise bouquet of yellow pansies delivered by an “anonymous” source. (Eren had been scolded once by the history chair for “distracting” Armin during office hours). 

Eren, who completed his postdoctoral fellowship, was offered a position in the astronomy department to replace a retiring faculty member. While Eren insisted he compete for the position, Professor Levi, true to his nature, called Eren an “idiot” for making life harder than it needed to be. Although Eren was the junior faculty in astronomy, he nevertheless worked day and night, literally, to produce scholarship related to a new phenomenon surrounding intelligent galaxies near the solar system. Eren’s work on intelligent galaxies earned him one of five spots for a prestigious grant, alongside Professors Hoover, Leonhart, and Braun from the neighboring institution, and his own sister, Professor Ackerman, from the same department. Upon the news, Eren was met with his own bouquet of pansies, in orange, from an “anonymous.” 

Although it was difficult for Eren and Armin to collaborate on projects together, the two managed to produce an article that studied the interest of astronomy from indigenous inhabitants of Eren’s homeland in the pre-modern time period. While Armin’s work was mostly conducted in the library, Eren spent hours at the local museum examining objects to cross-reference with Armin’s findings. Despite their collaboration stemming out of a desire to work together, their finished product received attention in academic circles not for the findings (which were intriguing, as Armin would say), but for the collaboration between humanities and science. With celebration from their respective departments, Eren and Armin gained the reputation of being a “power couple” within the university, a title they hoped to maintain for years to come. 

。.:☆*:･

“What exactly did you want to do with a history degree in this town, again?” Eren asked, browsing through one of Armin’s bookshelves. In between an undergraduate course and a graduate seminar, Eren browsed the same texts that lined Armin’s shelves since day one. Although he found nothing new, Eren was still fascinated at all the knowledge Armin possessed in different periods of history. 

“Well, if you remember, it was to create change for this place.  _ Someone _ mentioned how people just come here for the ocean and leave after their fun,” Armin reminded, not lifting an eye from his grading. 

Eren chuckled, drifting away from the shelves to lean against Armin’s desk. “You could have just said, ‘ _ Eren _ mentioned’ instead.”

“Very funny,” Armin replied, maintaining focus on his papers. “So, will you now make fun of me for studying so close to the ocean?”

“No, not exactly,” Eren answered, pulling the papers beneath Armin’s pen. “I wouldn’t have found my partner in life if you went to another university by the ocean.” 

“Hey! I need those for my next class!” Armin looked up, only to be met with a quick kiss. 

“As thanks, you can have your papers back.” A grin formed across Eren’s face as he stepped backward toward the door. “I gotta run now, though. Astrophysics and uninterested undergrads call.” 

Annoyed, Armin took his stack of papers back from Eren, placing the pile back on his desk. “Eren, before you go…”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Not that this is new, but the day I arrived here. Ten years ago, as an undergrad,” Armin began, gazing out his office window to view the deep sapphire-colored ocean filling the horizon. “The day I fell in love with the ocean, the real ocean, was the day I fell in love with you.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> team iron man or team captain america? 
> 
> if you're reading this note, thanks for sticking around until the end! please leave feedback below, i'd be grateful for anything to improve.


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